Femia the Firstborn

Fact: María Eufemia Haas Argaez was born March 20, 1941, in Nunkiní, Campeche, México.

Circumstances surrounding the birth: uncertain and unverifiable.

Carlota, the birth mother, lay in the hospital during one of the final bouts with the illness that ended her life, and called for Femia. She related her version of the event in this one and only memorable conversation.

The town festival was to begin so Carlota dressed for the occasion: huipil, festive regional dress, hair pulled back with a big red bow, and high heels.
Her Mamá asked: Where are you going?! Look at you about to give birth! You are not going anywhere!
Headstrong and only 13, Carlota determined to go anyway, jumped over the albarrada (stone fence) then fell or fainted and never knew what happened.
When Carlota awoke, she was in one hammock and there was a baby in another.

Was she married at the time? Femia has pondered this question over the years.
As far as everyone knew Carlota Argaez and Marcelino Haas Haas had been married and there are documents to prove it, however the reliability of the dates is in question.

Among those earliest memories, there are none of the young woman doing "motherly" chores, instead images of piles of unfinished laundry. Food was scarce. Femia from an early age learned to be resourceful in order to provide for her younger siblings. The neighbors often looked out for the youngsters and little Femia made sure her brothers got something. Where were the young parents? Frequently out partying.

Was there no family support? Probably not. His sisters never liked or accepted Carlota. And she maintained that these "aunts" had sold Femia to the missionaries, perhaps because they were being paid for all the work they did at the mission school she assumed they had been reimbursed for the child as well.

After a very rocky start, many fights, seasons of separation, and three children, Carlota and Marcelino parted ways forever.

Escape from Cruella

the saga continued...

Newlywed Rita finally understood the extent of cruel treachery when she asked for Efrén's favorite recipe wanting to prepare a surprise for him. She lovingly toiled and set the dish down before him.
"Why do you give me this!" he screamed. Tía Vicha had suggested a dish he despised!
Realizing what had just happened they got out of there.
When Ulises saw them coming, he rejoiced and immediately strangled the fatted turkey to celebrate their escape!

Some hurts happen in order to set us free!

And sometimes it takes a long time to become free.

Rita went on to say that there were two occasions when Efrén could not preach without breaking down--Mother's Day and Father's Day.
He added that only recently has he felt sufficiently healed of the deep hurts of the past to be able to maintain composure and speak joyfully.
"Seeing the love in Rita's family and observing her as a loving mother to our children, has finally healed me."

There were other examples of inflicted cruelty, but let us dwell foremost on the redemption stories. Perhaps a chapter could be entitled "Los tres regalados, recogidos y redimidos" (The Three Who Were Given Away, Gathered Up, and Redeemed)

A Gentle Touch

Finally getting back to the Mexico Stories and to the very significant conversation between Femia, middle brother Efrén, and others present, his wife Rita and her sister Livis, and Ulises.

I could kick myself for not recording it but will do my best to recall the meaningful memories.

Setting: Breakfast meal, variety of foods/leftovers/fruit and coffee; seated at the round table in Femia's kitchen; conversation threads criss-crossing; subject, early childhood memories and more specifically now--cruelty of the aunts

Tía Vicha raised Efrén and had no children of her own. Her sister, tía Clara (or often called Clara la cruel), lived nearby and had a family of her own; her children always received preferential treatment.

Rita recalls the days of their courtship: "I was appalled to hear the aunts refer to Efrén as el recogido [the one we took in]."

Livis: "I would have called her [tía Clara] la recojita [the very cripple, as she had a slight limp]!"

The sisters then talk about their growing up years, six girls and so much love in the family! Dysfunction was so foreign to them that it took a while to recognize and accept it as such. Tía Clara knew nothing else and married to a drunk she was forever envious of the good fortune of others. Rita is convinced that tía Clara poisoned her sister's attitude.

Femia: "Remember the wash tub at the missionary school? Tía Clara used to bathe me, grab me by the hair, pull and drag me around in the cold water. I hated cold water!"

At the first mention of the wash tub, Ulises (Femia's husband) reached over to touch her cheek and put his hand on her shoulder, a gentle loving supportive gesture. He knew what was coming, the pain stirred up by those memories of intentional cruelty still brings tears to her eyes even 60+ years later.

The two aunts worked at the missionary school and that was the connection that eventually led to Femia being given to the missionaries.



1. Efrén and Rita's wedding 2. With tía Vicha and husband 3. Livis, Efrén and Rita (6/12/08)